She said we have a policy here that’s chiseled in stone that if you drink while you’re in this facility, you’re automatically kicked out; and for you to be kicked out means you have to be sentenced to go locked up in insane asylum for the rest of your life. She said they were willing to give me one more chance. When the grace of God enters your life something is going to change. All you have to do is be willing to surrender and get in our train and see where it takes you to. That is how my journey began. Now the point of that story is that many of us are brought to believe through our religious training that God will help us when we do the right thing. Some of us are taught we must be good in order for God to love us. Have you ever been told that? Yeah? If we’re good enough God will love us; or another version is God helps those who help themselves. I was in a spot where I was totally powerless to help myself and I was given the greatest gift that I have ever been given. The point of the whole story is that God gave me my greatest gift. This tells you about the nature of the Spirit. I was given the greatest gift I’ve ever been given. I had not done anything to deserve a gift, and it was given to me free and clear.
Somehow I managed to get through the rest of treatment got done anyway. Here’s where the story begins to become interesting. I went to a lot of meetings and read the steps off the wall a great deal. I learned that you can actually work the steps off the wall where you can do step nine made the recommencing I apologize to people that you know here and there, when I really did actually mess with them. As for others, well they did not deserve an amends and certainly did not deserve my apology. I came to understand you can get some off the wall results when you do that, but once we’re awakened by the Spirit there’s something else that happens. You grow uncomfortable in this little thing of ours and you don’t understand why you’ve been awakened. Its like the Spirit is saying, “Come on,” and you’re not coming on. It produces a hell of a conflict and even though I felt unhappy i liked where I was. My sponsor saw this and said, “You’re going to die if you don’t get spiritual help. We’re talk about living life on life’s terms.” He also said, “We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” He was always a kind of a sponsor who would drop pearls into my life when I wasn’t quite ready for it.
I had a little leather pouch and I put those pearls in this leather little brother pack knowing that at some point in the future I would take those birds out and I would look at them because I would be enlightened to the point where I could begin to understand what it meant. I did know that I must live by spiritual terms though. I don’t get to live any other way. If you’re a real alcoholic, the question is how long you going to fight it before you surrender. I fought it for thirteen years. I was coming into my thirteenth year of sobriety and I would walk among people like you, and I knew that you were clean. My sponsor also had that I wanted. He had these clear blue eyes that I could look into the depths of his soul and know that he was all right. He didn’t see me as someone that was bad. He saw me as somebody who was lost.