This woman AA speaker, Lila R. has a wonderful story of recovery and a very hopeful message. She outlines the importance of surrender and how beneficial it is to the alcoholic if they completely give themselves to the program and the twelve steps. In doing this, incredible things can happen.
Coming to terms with step one of AA
If you are hanging around with people that don’t talk about God and talk about death instead, move on, because the faster you get it, the better. If you can’t find anybody spiritual to guide you, do it yourself with your sponsor. Read the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous again and read it as a sober person. Read it with an open mind and you will be astounded how spiritual it is. I am astounded every single time I look at the book. every month I read a chapter. If you do this, then you’re going to be knocked out when you find out about the stuff you need to work on or you’re going to be unhappy when you find out the really hard to work needed to recover. Please don’t wait eighteen years being dry and not having a spiritual experience. Please don’t use a Band-Aid for this thing. If somebody asks you what step are you working on, have an answer.
You could say something like, “So I’m working on all of them, but I’m about at six on the way to seven; I just left five.” Yes, but see it is all connected. You cannot get to step two if you don’t do step one. You can’t get to step three if you are not willing to do step four. The steps changed my entire perception and belief about everything I’ve ever known. I know that the first step of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous states that you’re powerless over alcohol and that your life is unmanageable. But it’s not talking about just the first couple of years, it is referring to that you need to know that you can never drink again for the rest of your life. You need to know that. Yes. How you do it, is a day at a time. You can’t have any reservation whatsoever. You cannot have something in the back of your mind saying, “Well, if she leaves me, if he leaves me, if this happens, I’ll drink then.”
No, you cannot drink no matter what and there’s enough of us around that have done it no matter what. When the people die, when there’s great excitement, great sadness, and great love, you live and you don’t drink no matter what. You walk through the valley of the darkness no matter what, and you will never be alone again no matter what. Then after a few years of understanding that in the deepest part of your being, you can say, “I am powerless over everything else and it makes my life manageable.” You’ll be doing that for the rest of your life for the rest of your life. It is only when you know that you are so powerless without any reservation whatsoever, that you need Alcoholics Anonymous and the meetings. I will tell you that you’re going to drink if you’re going to leave the meetings and not participate. You could be leaving the meetings right now in your mind because your mind might be saying, “What the heck is she talking about, who does she think she is?” This is troubled thinking and is something to watch out for. Don’t play these games in your mind. Participate in recovery in its entirety. Your life will change for the better, I guarantee it.