All spiritual things come first, all material things follow. So, we all know about that, but it is hard to live that way, you know. The deal is in the third step prayer, which is saying, “God, I offer myself to thee, to build with me and do whatever you want.” Right now, I don’t know what He wants to build with me, but I guarantee that if my ego is attached to a bunch of non-spiritual things, I may be in trouble when I say that prayer. Either way, God has helped me out every time, it’s happened before and it will happen again. God will take it over, so I don’t do that third step prayer unless you understand what the possible consequences are. Anything your ego has, after you say that prayer, it fair game for a Higher Power.
So anyway, I give that concept some thought. I did my fourth step things and I discovered things were too pretty for someone who is sober over 18 years and it’s supposed to be you know an example for others. For instance, you know I come from Nebraska; we have a pretty good football team you know. I’ve got a nephew that plays and loves sports and I’m kind of competitive. I also have a son who is thirteen. My son is a great athlete. He is so good that everybody in the local talks about it. The one thing that kind of bothered me is that he does not care if he wins or loses. He comes home after a loss, and he’s just the same as if it was a win. One or the other makes no difference in his life whatsoever. That has bothered me in the past, and I’m looking at this inventory, and I’m going, “What’s the picture here?” It looks like I think the world of my perception is a world of competition, a world where people have to prove themselves constantly and be attached to the results. That’s what I believe. Also, I believe in God’s world that it is a world of love and service. So let me ask you who is more in line with God’s world, my views on how my son views winning or losing, or God’s views on love and service.
Man, that hit me and it embarrasses me. I should be setting an example for you. One day we were playing basketball out in the parking lot and he went by me so fast I tripped. So I was on my face with my hands scratched, my glasses broke, skinned up my arms too, and I got him mad at him and started yelling. After a few minutes, he goes, “That’s enough! I quit!” It’s just embarrassing for me to be like that. So when I take an inventory to do those kind of things, I see behaviors like this and they’re not the kind of things that I necessarily wanted to admit. When I do my fourth step, I see there are going to be two products, one product is my defects of character, and the other product is how I may have harmed others. When I get to step six, it’s going to be where I am willing to have God remove my desire to succeed so I can be of service to others. Working through these things, and working through the steps, I am able to see that I can show people about love and service. Allowing God in to my life, and allowing God in to these areas that I am embarrassed about, allows the healing to take place, and the changes to be made within myself.