Robin V. – Al Anon Family Recovery Speaker – “Loving myself after losing myself”
With southern charm, Robin V. delivers an inspirational Al Anon speaker share! Robin’s story tells of how trying to “manage” the alcoholism of others cost her dearly. She then recounts how the fellowship of the Al Anon Family Groups helped change her life for the better and provided her with much needed hope and a course of action to take that would improve her life drastically. Thanks Robin, great job!
A moment of clarity about communication
I don’t believe for one in one instant that it’s just a coincidence that they loaded us in a van and they took us to an meeting that night. Thank God, they put me in a van and they took me to my first Al-Anon meeting, and it turns out this was to be my home group, the Summit Al-Anon Family Group, where I still go today. I fell into a nest of winners. I’m not sure I would have had the courage to go by myself. I’m really do not know. So I’m grateful I went in those meetings and they were talking about the secrets that I’d been keeping for years. I was shocked. That they were openly discussing how they felt about what was happening in their homes. It was exactly what was happening in my home! I immediately fit there and it was amazing because I had not fit in anywhere for years. Nowhere. I just didn’t fit out there in the world. Really, I didn’t fit anywhere; but I fit here in the rooms. I started following Good Orderly Direction for the very first time that I can remember. I was teacher, coach, and Sunday school teacher but I had never followed direction of any kind. I began following Good Orderly Direction in Al-Anon and the first thing I got was HOPE and hope became a tool in my belt. I choose to put on that tool belt on a daily basis and eventually I got a sponsor. She was a black belt in Al-Anon and had been around for 27 years.
I’ll never forget the first suggestion she made to me, she said, “You know, they do not tell you what to do here, but they make very strong suggestions an in such a way that they just are almost telling you what to do.” Then she laughed. She said, “Robin, it would be a good idea if you didn’t say anything to the alcoholic that was judging accusing or blaming.” I was willing to go to any lengths. So I took that home. I held everything up to it. Is it judging? Is it accusing? Is it blaming? Basically, all communication on my part ceased and could not pass the simple test. I had no idea that everything I had said to that man for years was judging him, accusing him, or blaming him everything.
Good Al-Anon quote
Here is an absolutely wonderful quote that sums up communication, detachment, and the principles of the program. If you know a loved one who is having difficulty with alcoholism, there are always meetings in every city, state, province, county, or town. The gifts of the program keep giving each and every day and a new life is right around the corner
“How can I best help the alcoholic? By not interfering when he gets into difficulties. I must detach myself from his shortcoming, neither making up for them nor criticizing them. Let me learn to play my own role, and leave his to him. If he fails in it, the failure is not mine, no matter what others may think or say about it.” One Day At a Time in Al-Anon, pg.29)